Ep. 112- How to Instill A Growth Mindset in Kids with Cori Grasley

by | January 18, 2022

Ep. 112- How to Instill A Growth Mindset in Kids with Cori Grasley

by | January 18, 2022

The Fresh Start Family Show
The Fresh Start Family Show
Ep. 112- How to Instill A Growth Mindset in Kids with Cori Grasley
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On this episode of the Fresh Start Family Show Wendy has an open conversation with Cori Grasley, her children’s elementary school teacher and a growth mindset specialist on how to help parents enter the new year with an incredible growth mindset in their home. 

Cori utilizes her studies on child development in the classroom to give parents tools to help their children develop positive mindsets that foster growth and development. 

Today’s episode takeaways: 

  1. Teaching our kids the power of “yet.”
  2. Reset & reflection practices. 
  3. Adopting a growth mindset in your home environment.

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Episode Highlights:

  • Cori’s story with teaching and specialization in growth mindset
  • What is growth mindset? 
  • Teaching growth mindset in the classrooms & community
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Mindset reset & journaling practices
  • The power of reflection
  • F.A.I.L (First Attempt In Learning)
  • How to apply growth mindset to your home environment

Resources Mentioned:

Freedom to Be LIVE Course

The Mask You Live In Documentary

Not able to listen or want to read along with us?

Here is the episode transcript!

Wendy:
Hello, hello families. It is time for the Fresh Start parenting challenge. Are you ready for a fresh start in your parenting walk? Yes. Yes. Yes. I can see hands going up everywhere. The new year is such a great time to make a fresh start with your kids and your family. So the Fresh Start parenting challenge is a completely free five day mini course. That will give you a solid understanding of the root causes of misbehavior. So you can redirect your kids towards better behavior towards the light. I always like to say and do it in a way where you use compassion and dignity and connection, empathy, and firm kind of limits.

Wendy:
So you feel proud and confident. And the end of the day, when you lay your head on your pillow, Heck yes, this is an easy way to come. Hang out with me live and to come learn free with me. So once you register, you’ll be all set to receive your mini positive parenting video lessons delivered right to your email inbox daily. For five days, you can save your seat at FreshStartFamilyonline.com/freechallenge. Now, remember parents, these lessons are not overwhelming, but instead short, punchy and powerful. And at the end of the week, you’ll walk away feeling confident, joyful, creative, empowered, and hopeful about the next season of your life.

Wendy:
As a parent now is the perfect time to start fresh parents that I want you to come hang out, live with me for this event. Again, you can save your seat over at FreshStartFamilyonline.com/freechallenge. I’ll be answering questions every day. I’ll be hosting live events during this week long event. It couldn’t be easy, easier after you register. I’ll send you a prep kit to get you all set up so you can get started. Now, remember you do not have to attend live to take part in this free mini course. So save your seat now. Okay. Let’s listen to today’s new episode.

Wendy:
Hello listeners. It’s time for a new episode. I’m so happy. You’re here. I am. Wendy Snyder, your host positive parenting educator and family life coach. And this one is a very special episode with someone we adore as a family, Mrs. Cori Grasley. She’s actually a teacher from our kids elementary school, and she has just been really such a meaningful influence on our children’s lives and also Ontarian I’s lives. So it just really was such an honor to interview her and hopefully the sound comes through. Okay. We were cracking up because we actually had to get really creative and ended up recording in my truck.

Wendy:
In my Sequoia. We just made it work. We popped up the microphone and we just had the best conversation, but because COVID restrictions had just tightened down again and there was some questions around having to wear a mask and having to make sure all of my volunteer paperwork was in check, which it wasn’t. I would have had to update everything and it just wasn’t going to happen. So we got creative and we said, let’s just record in the truck. And it turned out to be perfect. So hopefully the sound is still excellent. I think it came out pretty darn good, but please just enjoy this episode. I hope it inspires you to head into the new year with a growth mindset.

Wendy:
You all are incredible parents. And we all together as a community who cares so deeply about our kids and our families and the world. We are all learning. We’re all growing. We are all doing our best, but together we are really part of a movement who cares about developing life skills, about breaking painful generational cycles, about equipping our children with important life skills and emotional wellness and literacy and all the things. And it is just such an honor to be here beside you and without further ado, enjoy this episode families.

Stella:
Well, Hey there, I’m Stella. Welcome to my mom and dad’s podcast. The fresh start family show. We’re so happy. You’re here. We’re inspired by the ocean, Jesus and rock and roll and believe deeply in the true power of loving kindness together. We hope to inspire you to expand your heart, learn new tools and strengthen your family enjoyed show.

Wendy:
Well, Hey there, families and welcome to a new episode of the fresh start family show. I am so excited to be here today with Ms. Cori Grasley, who is just a treasured teacher from my kid’s elementary school. And we have been trying to make this happen for a while.

Cori:
Every time we have.

Wendy:
Yeah, we are so grateful that you are taking time out of your busy schedule to be here with us today and families today, we are going to be talking about How to Instill A Growth Mindset in Kids. And you know, you, you heard me introduce Cori in the beginning, but I’m just going to tell you again, Cori, have been just instrumental in my children’s lives. And my, so Stella had the honor and luck or honor, whatever of having you twice.

Cori:
That was so crazy.

Wendy:
I know that was the best. And then Terrin got to have you one year and we were just like, we’d have a party every time that we heard that we were going to have you, because what you taught our kids was just really, really incredible. And we’re just so grateful for you.

Cori:
And I’m so grateful for you and your kids. Oh, I loved working with your family over the years. So back

Wendy:
At you. That’s awesome. Cause there was a, when I feared that Stella would be like kicked out of kindergarten or elementary school. So to hear that she was a delight,

Cori:
It’s just an absolute delight. Yes, your kid’s amazing. Yay.

Wendy:
Well, so the reason why we’re talking about growth mindset is because Cori is a growth mindset specialist and you now are actually an M T S S Sosa teacher at school, right? So in the past you taught third grade, fourth grade ish. And now, so tell us about your new role that you’re doing and then we’ll get into growth mindset.

Cori:
No, So I I’ve worked at Parkdale lane for gosh, 24 years now as a classroom teacher. And I started out in sixth grade. I was sixth grade for 10 years, moved to third grade and then most recently fourth grade. And absolutely most recently as in this year, I am our school’s MTSS TOSA and a TOSA is just a teacher on special assignment. Okay. The MTSS part is it’s called multi-tiered systems of support and that’s very new for our district. All nine schools have an MTSS TOSA this year and it’s basically giving students support tiered support in the areas of behavior, social, emotional learning, and academics.

Cori:
So it’s that pie it’s that whole child that we’re looking at that has been a long time coming, because we know that you can’t get to the academics until you tackle the social emotional until you tackle the behavioral. We just can’t get there. So that’s, you know, looking at this whole child, looking at what can we do to make school and amazingly comfortable place for them to be so that their learning can happen. Oh my gosh. So the fact that Encinitas union school district is, you know, making this an importance and putting one of us at each school is kind of, I think, groundbreaking,

Wendy:
That is groundbreaking. So do you work very closely with Mrs? Well,

Cori:
I do. So that’s our team. So when you talk about our track teacher, our social emotional teacher, that’s on campus, Mrs. Wood. She’s part of this team, you know, And we have, you know, we have Mrs. Wood and we have a school psychologist and we have our amazing principal, Mrs. Terry, we have reading intervention specialists that are working with our kids. So it’s again, it’s this team that supports the whole child.

Wendy:
Amazing. And Mrs. Wood has been on our shell way, way back in the beginning. That’s okay. So I think, you know, now we’re in the second hundreds of episodes, which she was back in like episode, I forget like 13 or something.

Cori:
He is amazing. I just feel like when there are kids on our campus that needs support and it can be any kind of child at any time needing support for any reason, we just swoop in as a team, what can we do

Wendy:
So good.

Cori:
So good. And it starts from the minute they walk in the gates of our school. It’s, you know, making eye contact with the kids. It’s making them feel like we’re happy to see you. We are, you know, I mean, this is a place that you want to be and that, you know, you can get support and that, you know, we can make that happen.

Wendy:
We are so lucky because you know, so many people listening, they don’t have that, that same type of presence in the school with teachers or special ed teachers, but I’m always encouraging them to advocate for it. Right. Because all it takes is to know that somebody is doing it and then to use that as a reference, you know, so I’m always, you know, saying, look at, you know, if you really want to bring this to your town or your school or whatever, it may be, look at the Encinitas union school district as a case study. And it is really just incredible what it does for kids and our community too. Absolutely.

Cori:
I mean, it’s just, it’s, it’s unbelievable. And, and, and the need, you know, the needs always been there, but this, you know, you know, COVID situation that we’ve been dealing with for the last two years, kids are really like the social emotional piece with kids. It’s, it’s been lacking a bit. And so they really needed support this year. We saw kids coming back that just really kind of forgot how to interact and play with each other. You know what I mean? It’s things that we’ve seen at home that when you bring it to school on this big scale, it was a little bit devastating to see, you know what I mean? So I just think more than any other time there’s a need, but it’s just, you know, just glad that our district recognized it and is putting the money and the effort towards it.

Wendy:
So good. So you are, are you a little bit on call when a kid needs you? Okay. Whereas Mrs. Wood is, is hosting a classroom, right? Like a few times. Okay.

Cori:
Yeah. Since, since I’m doing academic behavioral and social emotional, I’m definitely, I’m on call. The kids have access to us all the time, you know, and they know that at our school, if they need support, they really know who they can go get that from. And they know that if Mrs, what is busy, then I’m there for them. Or like, you know, we just tag team and make sure that we’re constantly talking, we meet as a team once a week and we’d just go over our kids that we’re servicing and you know, what do they need? You know, do they need more time with you? Do they need more time with me, whatever the need is. We’re just making sure they’re getting it because again, not to reiterate too many times, but if we don’t address those things, it’s just the learning doesn’t happen.

Wendy:
Yep. Absolutely. So awesome. And I’m sure you being a growth mindset specialist helped you land this role. So take us back to, cause I remember when we first started learning with you and my first kids first started having you, I remember you were like still finishing your master’s in growth mindset. And I was like, there’s a master’s in growth mindset. A what the heck is growth mindset. And then B the fact that there is a master’s program and it was so cool. So tell us a little bit about what made you decide, what made you learn about that and decide to go back because obviously you’d probably already done unknown caller. A lot of school.

Cori:
Yeah, no, I got you. Yeah. So, so my master’s was not really specifically in growth mindset, but I did my master’s thesis on growth mindset. So that’s what it was remembering. So I remember you guys came in at a, it was a back to school night. Parents were sitting in the classroom, this was first Stella, your daughter. And I asked you guys, I’m like, I’m going to be doing an action research project on growth mindset. Are you guys okay with me using your kids as a case study to really, you know, study data on, you know, if kids are given growth mindset, instruction and education in the classroom, will their grades improve? Will, will, will they have academic success? And we’ve made it really targeted and specific towards math that year, because it was an action research project that had to be data-driven and we did pre-assessments with the kids and then did that growth mindset coaching throughout the year, and then the post assessing.

Cori:
And it really just showed how much growth mindset can make an impact on a child’s academic success. I mean, it was what I knew what happened, but to see it in action and really, you know, drive it with data, it was just amazing. And so that was kind of the start of my journey with growth mindset.

Wendy:
Awesome. I didn’t remember that. That was like, it was like a, a thesis and that there was data behind it. That’s so amazing. Very cool. Okay. Well, let’s get into growth mindset. Tell us a little bit more about what this means and, and all that good stuff.

Cori:
Got it. So, I mean, in a nutshell growth mindset is really a belief system. It’s it’s that belief that anything is possible. So it’s, it’s, there’s so many components to it, but that belief that through struggle and through challenge that’s when we grow, when things are too easy for us, when we’re just floating and coasting along, that’s not growth. Growth is in the struggle. And we’ve all heard that before, but it’s just like, not necessarily as kids, right. Oh, good call. Yes. So bringing this to kids, kids, you know, you think of like Carol Dweck, who’s sort of the pioneer of growth mindset and, and her philosophy that kids are born to learn.

Cori:
I mean, we, that’s how we come into this world born to learn. So when do we start shutting down? When do we start doubting ourselves? And that’s when those external forces come in and start to tell us that you’re not good enough, or you’re not as good as, and we start to believe that in our, and it’s literally our brain chemistry, our neurons in our brain change. And so it’s just such a powerful thing. So it’s that idea that if we can start coaching and talking to kids about the fact that, you know, you’re not good at anything yet, I mean, you’re, well, that’s not really the best way to say it. Right.

Wendy:
I know what you mean.

Cori:
Let me rephrase that a little bit. So you’re having struggles in math, or you’re having struggles in reading instead of I can’t read, or I’m not as good as, or I’m not good at something it’s just that you don’t have the skills or the tools or the ability yet. And that powerful word of yet it gives possibility to kids. I think it’s teaching kids that the power is in the possibility.

Wendy:
Yes. I remember that the power of

Cori:
Yet that that was a riff yet. That’s a huge one and you’ll walk around our school and that’s the language the teachers are using. It’s so amazing from that year to now thinking about when was Stella in fourth grade. I mean,

Wendy:
So she’s just eighth now. So it would have been five years

Cori:
Ago, five years ago, the difference in the common language that’s going on in our school about growth mindset is just unbelievable. So, you know, you think about, if you can hit the kids early, hit them in preschool, hit them in kindergarten with these concepts, the growth that’s going to happen. You know what I mean? It’s just really been amazing. That’s awesome. Yeah.

Wendy:
And then it seems like growth mindset. So just a few years ago actually was when I first started to understand like the mindset piece now I knew so 10 about 10 years ago is when I started learning about positive parenting and figuring out I needed to work with the kids, especially Stella much different. Right. And then I did a ton of life coaching and like worked on limiting beliefs and all these things, like all this personal development that was amazing. But the mindset piece, I actually didn’t start really understanding until a few years ago. And as far as like scarcity thinking or versus abundance, right. Or, and I remember at first I was really kind of like what, like I get it, but at the same time, it just was a journey to kind of figure it out.

Wendy:
But I realized that the envisioning part, the like focusing on what you want to learn and what you are going for and dreaming of and wanting to happen really makes a difference versus focusing on what you don’t have or how there’s not enough, or that you are the, you know, have the ninth, you know, you’re the worst in the class on the score or whatever

Cori:
Is that comparative thinking, you know, that that’s not, it, it’s just bringing it back to the self and what are you capable of? And it’s, it’s teaching kids and coaching kids in that. It’s not the product, it’s the process. That’s the biggest part of it. It’s that process to get there, you know, working hard, you know, intrinsic motivation. Well, I mean, going back to Carol Dweck, that was why she started to study growth mindset because intrinsic motivation is something that is nearly impossible to teach. Right? Yeah. This teaching growth mindset is actually a way to bring out that intrinsic motivation. So right there, it’s just absolutely huge.

Cori:
And that’s so great. And then scientifically, I mean, this is where it’s a little out of my league to talk too much about this, but I, what I do is neuroplastic plasticity, and that is literally that you are reshaping your brain. And that is just something that when you know that when you know that physiologically, that that can happen, then you’re, you’re, you’re bought in, you know, it’s like that, that’s amazing. Not only is this a concept, but this is something that really is happening with,

Wendy:
Oh my gosh. Well, that, that what you just said about the intrinsic motivation is so fascinating because I did, we inside of our bonfire support community, we had a question come in a few weeks ago and a teenager was just like, not just not digging school, not into it. Right. And we were having a great conversation on intrinsic motivation. And I actually called my mentor about it and who I studied under for years. And I was like, man, this is a tough one. Like, you cannot, it’s hard to teach intrinsic motivation. Now everything we do builds intrinsic motivation in kids. For sure. Like we know that yes, but it’s hard to not hard. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s

Cori:
Nearly impossible. I mean, it really, you can talk about it all day long, but it really is, you know, it’s one of those things that’s next to impossible because it’s something that sort of like comes with somebody. But like I said, this has been, you know, something that truly, truly can build intrinsic motivation and that’s, that’s new, you know,

Wendy:
The kid is not doing well in math or science, and he’s just not interested in school. Then teaching him these concepts of maybe you can take small steps or you just don’t have a joy for it yet. But something like that is what it would look like.

Cori:
That’s exactly what it would look like. And it’s not a one and done process. It’s a continuous discussion. And it’s something that, you know, you’re building into as a teacher building into your classroom community, you know what I mean? You’re, you’re working with one on what, you know, working with kids one-on-one and in small groups, but you’re really the root and the start of it is building a classroom community that believes in a growth mindset. Right. And that might look like, you know, coming up with a, as a class together, coming up with a growth mindset pledge that you’re reciting every day and, you know, or coming up with, you know, kids sharing, I think of tearing your son. I mean, he was so amazing about sharing his experiences in growth mindset in the outside world was skateboarding and things like that.

Cori:
That was one that he would always share different tricks that he was learning and that he had been, you know, shut down and I can’t do this. And then he would kind of, we call it a mindset reset where those can’t sentences, you know, we changed that. We flipped that script. And once he started to do that, all of a sudden he was able to have that success. Yeah. It’s so good,

Wendy:
Cory, because it’s to be reminded of that year, he had with you where he got that education so young, because he does struggle with like those, those negative thoughts of like, man, I suck, I’m an idiot, right? Like, or an, and both my kids are super competitive, so he wants to be the number one. Like if he, if he starts a new sport or he’ll, he like has started to surf more and it’s so cute because you can tell he he’ll get a new surf board and he’ll just imagine he’ll watch a surf, lik he’ll imagine himself going out there and just smacking the lip, doing airs. And then he gets there.

Wendy:
But you know, he, his that’s one of his, his struggles, that’ll be one of his journey’s biggest journeys is to change that and to implement what you taught him. Whereas Stella is just a different cat, you know, she’s just, she, she, if she doesn’t think she can do something well, she’s like, well, I’m going to learn. And then I’m going to be the best. And you better get out of my way

Cori:
Different weight. Like she used to just, it was, is made in a different way. And so with a kid like Taryn, this kind of coaching, it’s just invaluable. A kid gets that to me the other day it was spending in this, came from a kid and who had heard it from somewhere else. But would you be friends with that voice inside your head? And I was like, oh my gosh. I mean, that is like kids said that kids said that. And that’s exactly like when you talk about Taryn, you know, he’s learning to make friends or to, he’s learning to make that, you know, those voices inside his head, a friend to himself, you know what I mean? As silly as that sounds, that’s part of the growth mindset.

Wendy:
Hey, parents, listen up. Have you heard about the coolest new interactive learning toys for kiddos called Toniboxes designed for little listeners ages three plus they are the perfect Storytime companion for tiny hands and active imaginations. The Toniebox is an imagination building screen free digital listening experience that plays stories, songs, and more that Toniebox comes to life when paired with their whimsical collection of Tonies, which are hand painted characters with hours of stories, to tell worlds, to explore and songs, to sing. Plus parents, you can record and store up to 90 minutes of custom content, which makes it so cool for parents and grandparents who want to connect with their littlest loved ones from near or far.

Wendy:
And let me just tell you, these little boxes are the talk of the town in my neighborhood right now, because a few months back, I had the opportunity to give my son and a little neighbor of pal with a Tony box, and they both loved them. My son has been listening to dispatch, despicable me and diary of a wimpy kid at bedtime each night. In addition to his nature sounds that he uses to help himself fall asleep. And my neighbor has sent me numerous texts about how in love her son is with his Toniebox. Her exact words were, he totally gets mesmerized listening to his Toniebox. And her texts included pictures of her little guy peacefully, laying down, listening to his car’s story, which is a big deal since she just had her third child.

Wendy:
And we all know how challenging that season of life can be when you bring home a new baby and you have other children at home to care for it too. Plus I saw firsthand when I watched these little neighbor boys one night, so their parents could speak out for a date night that this toy is so loved and enjoyed. At one point we were eating pizza at the dinner table and our littlest friend who is a little under two years old, was sitting on his knees and just couldn’t stop wiggling his body dancing along to jungle book while he happily ate his vegetables and pizza. It was awesome to watch. I’m so happy to tell you that Toniebox is currently offering our community of Fresh Start Family Show listeners, 15% off a Toniebox starter kit using the discount code Toniepodcast.

Wendy:
You can head to Tonies.com to learn more and get your first Toniebox. I can see this being the perfect birthday gift or just an investment into your own sanity mama. Cause you know, you love it when your kiddo is actually able to entertain themselves. So you can sneak in a hot shower or a Pilates workout. Imagine that, all right, go check out. Tonies after today’s episode, but for now let’s get back to the shelf. That’s so awesome. Yeah, that was, but one of my mentors told me a few years ago, you need to just not engage. You don’t have to engage with all those voices.

Wendy:
Right. And I remember at the time I was like, what, how do you just not listen, but it is a practice you, and when, when you’re in, when you’re in a classroom like yours or in a family, or, you know, whatever, you have the practice and everyday you get, you, you just practice, you get a little bit better at letting those thoughts pass and engaging or pulling on the, like all the verbiage that helps you put it into this as the, not yet

Cori:
Amy and the reframing, because even like, you know, in our classroom, that was such an amazing thing because other kids would hear, you know, hear someone say something that was quite negative about themselves. And it would be right away called out growth mindset reset. And they would have to sort of reframe. And it was just a practice that we did every single day. And so to go back to that one and done thing, I mean, this is something that really has to be happening all the time. Yeah.

Wendy:
And what’s so cool. Is that with amazing teachers like you now, our kids are learning at young, right? For most of us, we learned it in our thirties, whatever forties, and it’s a lot harder And it’s harder to pave those new neural pathways. Right. But for the kids, they’re so, you know, they’re amazing that if they can get this young, it’s just fantastic.

Cori:
It becomes a belief system that’s put into practice every single day.

Wendy:
Speaking about consistency. I do remember back, we sometimes will find a journal of theirs and that was one of practices, right? Is it, is it right that you would start out each day?

Cori:
It would start with, with journaling. And a lot of times I would put out like a growth mindset quote or something related and the kids would break it down and analyze it. And we talk about why it is what it is. So again, it’s just those community building practices, you know, journaling, kids, sharing their experiences, mindset resets in the classroom, talking about neuro-plasticity, you know, bringing these vocabulary words into the picture, all the physiology behind, you know, growth mindset and the brain, you know, brain science. I mean, this is just something that became just the norm in the classroom. And like I said, I’ll bring it back to park Elena again. I mean, you know, with this amazing team, we have it parked out lane, our social, emotional coach or teacher, Sarah coach and teacher, Sarah, just, this is, this is the way we do things at our school now.

Cori:
So that’s what is such an amazing change. It’s not such a novelty anymore. Cause I did feel at that time it was like a little bit of a novelty and what is right. And now we’re watching, is

Wendy:
It working? Yeah,

Cori:
This is really happening, but no, now it’s a community and it’s, it’s a school community and it’s becoming a district community of, you know, of kids and adults that are embracing the growth mindset. So good. So it’s really powerful.

Wendy:
Yeah. I remember those journals. Karen would write about skateboarding and write about snowboarding, all the things. But one day it was so sweet. He wrote about how emotions make me uncomfortable. And I don’t even, I don’t remember if he wrote like M learning to something. It was just the statement of like emotions make me uncomfortable, which is so common for kids and especially boys. Right. And I remember like we would go to wa all, he’s always been the kid where we would go to watch. Like he’d never watched it once he T and he was so upset about the parents, like leaving him or wonder the movie, wonder, like the sadness.

Wendy:
One of my favorite memories,

Cori:
It’s uncomfortable with what that sort of brought out of him.

Wendy:
It’s a great thing for him to write because it was the perfect word for it. It was uncomfortable, but, but I love what you’re doing with the kids, because it’s teaching them that vulnerability to say those things and write those things is not a weakness. It’s actually a strength. Yeah.

Cori:
And I have a great add on to that. So I hope, I don’t think Taryn would mind me sharing this because he is like, I feel like he’s pretty open in this way, but I did a class meeting with his class the other day. And our focus question was what would you want? What do you want other people to know about you so that they can understand you better. That was the focus question and Terran among other kids, because that’s part of that is making connections with each other. Cool. When you share something, you want to make connections that elicits empathy, that’s the whole press process that we’re looking for. And Taryn shared something really similar to that with his class, but he felt comfortable. It was a space to share that. And other kids made connections with him and other kids shared something similar.

Cori:
And it was like, wait, I didn’t know that about you. Okay. I get that. So, you know, now I’ll treat you if you know something about someone, how could you, you know, how could you not be mindful of that in your treatment of them? You know, if you know their personal story and, you know, they struggle with something or, you know, that this such a thing as hard as hard for them such as like showing emotions, how do you not take account of that when you’re interacting with them? And that’s what we’re trying to do. So sharing personal stories, eliciting empathy, making those connections, it’s just, it’s golden. Really?

Wendy:
Yes. And, and like, especially with the emotions front, acknowledging that it is a journey to become more comfortable or develop that emotional literacy or wellness and he’s him and so many other kids. And again, especially boys, have you ever, you have a son, do you have a daughter and a son, right. Have you ever seen the movie, the documentary, the mask we live in? Oh my gosh, Cori, everyone listening. If you ha, if you are raising a son or are married to a man or, or a guy, it is the most beautiful documentary that like just reminds us how important it is that we teach these boys, especially the power of emotional wellness and that it is such BS that they are, you know, culture set them up to think that it’s weak to feel sad or cry or whatever it is.

Wendy:
So it’s a really powerful documentary. Yeah. I got to go to like a live when it showed with it. And like Tony Hawk was on the board or on the board. And I forget maybe one of the guys from Switchfoot.

Cori:
It was really cool. I mean, we could, I mean, this is just a cultural shift in so many ways. It’s amazing that, you know, like you said, emotional, especially, especially for boys, you know, and girls, obviously everyone as well, but like that there’s strength in sharing your emotions. There’s strength in sharing your stories. There’s strength and connection. Yes. So good. And all that are the, you know, all of those things are the building blocks towards that growth mindset piece. So it’s just, everything is interconnected. Okay.

Wendy:
All right. Talk to us about the self-management self-responsibility kind of goal setting, setting. Self-assessment I putting these all kind of into one category, because it seemed to me that what you taught our kids was to make a plan and get out of, I won’t even say that to, to walk into an empowered state about how you’re going to make it happen instead of relying on other people or whatever it may be. But there was, there seemed to be a lot of that self-management and goal setting and tracking, and then

Cori:
Right. Yeah. The goal setting and the self-management was, that was the, the idea that was to empower the students, to sort of have onus and management over their learning, because for so long, the way that the system was set up it’s the teacher was in control of the grades and it was sort of hidden almost from the student. And the student just knew like, oh, I don’t, you know, I I’m succeeding or I’m failing, but they really didn’t have a connection to what was happening. And so the growth, the goal setting, and we developed some goal setting sheets is what you’re talking about in the classroom, where they kids basically tracked their progress. Okay.

Cori:
So they were the ones that were in charge of their grades and their progress and their grades so that they can see very clearly, again, not looking at this end game, but looking at the prog the progress of it and not the product watching how they, you know, maybe I went from, I mean, I’m not even talking numbers or anything like that, but maybe I went from like a 67% to a 70%. Okay. But I made improvement, that’s it. And you’re looking at your own improvement. We’re not comparing to each other anymore. The verbiage in the classroom changed. It’s not asking a kid, what did you get on your test? It’s asking a kid, Hey, did you improve this time? And so just shifting that language in the classroom was so powerful and kids could just take, take charge of their learning.

Cori:
You know what I mean? When it came to be like, you, you knew when you would come to me and we’d have parent teacher conferences, you were aware of how your child was doing, but not only that your child was aware of how they were doing. Yes. And we weren’t just tracking grades, we were tracking, you know, your growth mindset. And how were you feeling this week about your learning? How did you start the week? How did you end the week? That reflective piece that you’re talking about reflection is everything. And we know that as adults, that to teach kids how to be reflective learners is just so powerful and really leads to, you know, academic success, social, emotional success.

Wendy:
Yes. So good. Yeah. Cause I just had a call. I’ve got a new private client. He’s 16 just moved across country and he’s like struggling and I’m working with his mom on something else. So we had a good call and he was telling me how he was like, not doing very well in math and science, but it was really cool. And I think he’s probably a product of today’s culture right. Where he was like, but I was failing and I got, I got it up. He’s like, I’m, it’s a C now. And I’m like, Heck yes, congratulations, dude. And I got to ask him, how did you get it up? What did you do? Like, what was it that you did? Did you have to ask for support? Like I just got to ask him what he did to get it up right.

Wendy:
Versus years ago. It was so about just the standardized. Yeah.

Cori:
Yeah. Every child should fit into this mold and if they don’t, then we’re not as success. And that, you know, that’s a really scary place to be because that’s not, that’s not realistic. You know, that’s not going to lead to any sort of success. Right. Yeah. To shut down

Wendy:
A lot of shutdowns, especially the strong-willed ones. Right. Like Stella, like

Cori:
Yeah. Well, it’s interesting, you know, you talk about Stella too, because on the other end of that, what I found really fascinating about growth mindset when I first started studying it, I really thought, okay, this is for kids who are academically low in struggling and shut down. Great. I can see that I see that fit. But what, I didn’t really realize that kids who actually have had academic success come easier to them. They struggle with it. Maybe even more because the minute they, they, they actually will avoid trying anything too hard because that could mean, you know, failure for them. And they’ve never had failure and that’s such a scary place to be. So even when you have a kid that has that academic success come easy, growth mindset, coaching is like really, maybe even more important so that they’re feeling comfortable to take risks.

Wendy:
Oh, that’s such an important part because I think you’re teaching and what we have now is setting kids up to understand that just because you fail once or don’t get it, or like bringing in the concept of failure, there’s so many good quotes about failure, right? Like that it’s not actually failure. It means that you’re trying. And that there’s whatever

Cori:
First attempt in learning fail is first attempt in learning as an acronym.

Wendy:
So good. But again, it’s very different than the way things were done, 50, 60 years ago. And, and that’s in all of life. Right. And just remember listeners, everything that we’re talking about today, you know, is I really take what Cori you, of which you taught us. And actually, even after working with you built a lesson around mindset that we’ll actually be studying with my community members in January of 20, 22, but all about mindset. And I, I brought in the growth mindset stuff that I’d kind of learned from Taryn as he brought it home, but this so applies to the home too. Right? Like it’s so applies to behavior and really, and as adults too.

Wendy:
So there’s different things I think about. So there’s the classroom you’re talking about theirs. And then you guys bring in the behavior, social, emotional literacy and behavioral side at school too. Right. But then there’s the home environment where if your kid can’t sit still at the dinner table yet, if he can’t keep his hands to himself with a sister, when she steps on his Legos, when he talks out in class, like there’s so much behavioral stuff, but it’s the same concept because, you know, it’s like math and science and English are all great things to learn and tying your shoes is great, but also self regulation and self calming and emotional literacy, and being able to ask for what you want and all these things are just as important of life skills.

Wendy:
And I think you can apply everything when it comes to growth mindset of you just haven’t, you just haven’t mastered that life skill yet of self-regulation.

Cori:
Yeah. And, and yes. And, and for us, for teachers and, you know, being on a school site when parents can sort of adopt some of this language and bring it into the home, I mean, it just makes things so powerful. Cause we’re a team that’s, you know, that’s what this has meant to be teachers and parents and students, you know, administration, it should be a team effort. And if we could all be sort of, you know, doing that part to empower our kids, to know that, you know, they can be successful. Even if they’re in the midst of a struggle, they will get there. And, you know, getting there is, it doesn’t even matter, but the journey is the important part of that. And that’s what builds strength and character. And yeah, we are doing something amazing as a society, you know,

Wendy:
And then you’re rubbing off of the parents because then you have parents who are realizing that they want to do it differently. Right. Then what was done to them or the way they were raised. So they’re trying to switch from doing things a different way. And then there’s going to be nights where they just feel like total failures where they’re like, I can’t do this. I can’t stop yelling. Or

Cori:
That as a parent, you cannot tell me you have it. Right.

Wendy:
Yes. And if you can adopt this, this mindset and just walk into like the more abundant thinking it, and again, focusing on what you want versus all the reasons why you can’t have it, it’ll help empower you in any area of life.

Cori:
I love it. Yeah. And it’s just that, you know, being a parent, it’s that reflective piece, again, coming back to that reflection, not beating yourself up, just being reflective. You know, I think that’s a big piece to it too, but I had lots of fun stories with kids coming back or parents telling me, you know, I said something at home that was, you know, kind of, not a, it was not a growth mindset statement. And that Mike, my child made me reframe it to a growth mindset statement. So it does filter into the home, through the child, even. Yes,

Wendy:
It does. Well, Hey there, families, I want to take a moment to tell you about Troomi wireless and why I am so excited to be teaming up with them to support you and your family. When you use the code FreshStart during the month of January and sign up for a discovery plan, you’ll get a free Troomi A12 kid safe device. Yes. Free parents. Now I can’t tell you how excited I am to now officially be partnering with Troomi because I am just so dang passionate about keeping iPhones out of kids’ hands for as long as possible, because I’ve seen firsthand just how fruitful this strong limit is per kids and families.

Wendy:
Both of my kids are now rocking truly phones instead of I-phones out in the world. And it gives me the ability to call them when they’re at a friend’s house. And I want to say good night, and I love you. Or maybe I’m late to pick them up from volleyball or skateboarding. And it helps me to feel like they’re safe if they’re riding their bikes to school and were to need me at any time. But with Troomi phones, kids are kept safe from the dangers of untethered access to the internet, social apps and online gaming plus all the other stuff that comes along with regular smartphones. And trust me, parents, there are many the addiction. So many kids have the I-phones and the awful stuff. So many get exposed to from such a young age is something we can all prevent.

Wendy:
If we can just find the courage to be different and go the troomi route, just head to troomi.com and enter this special code FreshStart at checkout to get this incredible deal. Okay. Back to the show. Yeah. I really think you were the beginning of me being aware of all this, but every week at our coaching for the bonfire support community, if someone says I can’t, or I should, or this is hard Quiz, I’m like, okay, you know, I’m going to pop quiz you. How could you reframe that? I make them write. Usually I make them write, rewrite it

Cori:
And mindset reset right there. That’s that’s the action.

Wendy:
It really is. It’s interesting. So we’ll touch on verbiage right now. So it’s interesting how, I don’t know what this all looks like in the brain and stuff, but, but when you speak words or when you write them down about the situation, it’s, it’s very powerful, right. So if you’re telling yourself and actually writing it, like, I, I just can’t do it. I just, this is so hard. Like hard has been a word that’s been really fascinating. I actually completely removed it. I’m kind of, sometimes I’m like an all or nothing person. It’s easier for me to say no more. Like I will, I won’t say the word heart anymore.

Wendy:
And if I do, I do all the time and I catch myself. Yeah. But there’s, if we tell ourselves something as hard or if we tell ourselves that we can’t we’ll believe it. Absolutely. Right. So, so let’s talk about some verbiage replacements. Maybe we’ll start with some kids or whatever, but like, what if a kid is saying, I don’t know how to do that. What’s a little bit of a verbiage.

Cori:
Right. And I think that comes back to just bringing yet in that’s the most simple verbiage replacement that you could do is, you know, I just don’t know how to do this yet. NAC gives you the power of possibility. That’s it’s just, it’s a, it’s almost like a door opens all of a sudden and it’s like, okay, whoa. Oh yeah. I, you know, you, you see the wheels turning and the child. Oh, you’re right. So there’s possibility to this because that’s what we’re trying to avoid is that shut down. That happens when you say can’t or when you say, you know, that this is too hard, I can’t do this yet. It literally it’s like a door slam shut. Well, I love it. How do we open that door?

Wendy:
Because it’s also making the child. Right. So if they say, I don’t know how to do that. It’s like, you’re right, right. Instead of that’s not true. Right. You can do this. Right. Just puts you just work harder.

Cori:
Yeah. They’re going to, I mean, there’s no belief system to that. It’s

Wendy:
Like, yeah, you’re right. Not yet, but you’re going to, and that’s another one we’ve, we’ve changed in our community. A ton is I take out but a lot. And I put, and yes, I don’t know how to do it yet. And I can’t wait.

Cori:
Right. And that it just, again, elicits possibility. And that’s what we’re trying to coach. And that’s what we’re trying to do.

Wendy:
I love it. Okay. And how about, I’m just not good at that. I’m not good at math.

Cori:
Right? Right. So I think that one of the more positive ways that you can reframe, I’m just not good at math besides just saying, you know, I’m not good at math yet is that, you know, I’m in a struggle right now, the struggle is my journey that struggle in that journey will lead me to improvement. And that’s where we want to be, because we’re not looking at, you know, as success as our end game or as some sort of percentage on a test is our end game. It’s that struggle. It’s that journey. It’s that possibility that opens doors for kids.

Wendy:
Yes. The whole, like the idea of that, it’s not about the end game, that it’s about the journey. And it was more, for me it was more personal development, but in the beginning I was like, yeah, right. I just don’t wanna yell anymore. I don’t wanna, like, I just want her to put on her shoes. I just want her to like, not get a note sent home from school. You know, I didn’t quite understand that. And now I realize that it really is the journey. It’s the people you meet along the way. It’s the creativity that you have. It’s like the compassion and the unconditional love. You’re able to give a child in a moment where you feel like they’re just not responding or not behaving the way you want. Like all those parts of the journey are, that’s what makes up life.

Cori:
That’s the beauty of life. Exactly. And it’s those in the moment. Things, if we could, if we could kind of stop ourselves and be in the moment a little more, I think we realize what, you know, the, the possibilities that are out there, it’s that time where you can be reflective and just know that, you know, things are hard. Things are complicated. You know, life gets, life is a struggle at times, but if it wasn’t, it would not be as sweet. And it’s just, you know, it’s just part of that, that whole mindset shift.

Wendy:
Mm. So good. And then we’ll throw one more in there. I have a little boy that’s part of our community, his mom and dad, of course, but he’s, I think he’s eight or nine, but he always says, and his mom mirrors this often. Right. Which is usually the case. So we’re always helping her reframe this, but you know, he’ll say like, he has a tendency to get really angry with his brother or whatever, or just have like outburst of like, and he’ll say like, I, I, can I get this in a calm time? Right. Like the practice, they know that they need to practice a lot just like Olympic skiers do, but, and then Jose, but when I’m really angry or when it comes time, and then he’ll say the scarcity statement, he’ll say, I just can’t do this.

Wendy:
It’s like, it’s impossible for me. Right. So maybe some ideas on that and the equivalent would be like, you know, and I can see that showing up in the classroom too. If there’s a test, like I can do it when I’m calm, but then when the pressure is on and there’s a test, I just can’t do this. Like maybe that shows up there too. What would be some reframe for that?

Cori:
Yeah. So I think, I think looking at those situations and it kind of circles back to what we talked about originally where that social, emotional piece has to be met before the academic piece happens. And so, you know, if I have a kid that’s that that’s happening in the classroom, I’m going to, as a teacher in, this was a huge shift for me. Because as teachers, as parents, we’re always thinking like, we need to get this done and this has to happen, you know? And when it doesn’t, we get stressed out and we don’t know how to maybe, you know, handle ourselves as well as we would like to. But for me, like, so let me kind of circle back to like a classroom example. I was going to give this big assessment and it was very important and it’s important to the district and, and all sorts of things.

Cori:
And so as a teacher, you start to get a little, you know, stressed about that. I need to get this done. I need to have every child finish it. And they had, it was actually, it’s so funny. It was Taryn’s class. And they had an issue out on the playground with football or kickball, whatever they were, you know, it was kickball that year. So they would come, they came in from recess or lunch recess. I can’t remember which, and they were just in this heightened state, they had been fighting out on the playground. There was a lot of dissension. And it was just like, as a teacher, I had to say to myself, I need to deal with that before we can move to anything else. And I’m going to push everything academic on the back burner, and we’re going to sit and we’re going to have a community circle.

Cori:
We’re going to do some restorative justice. And we are going to figure this out before I’m going to make these kids do anything academic, because what would the point be? Yes. It wouldn’t be successful for anyone nobody’s ready to go there. Emotional justice. That’s, that’s, that’s the big one that like peaceful conflict resolution is it’s, it’s helping kids to see their part in a situation. Not only to see their part, to see how their actions have affected others. And then the coolest part is how do I get back into the classroom community? How, what can I do? What actions can I take to sort of be welcomed back into that classroom community in a way that’s, you know, that’s healthy and safe.

Cori:
So it’s a really good, yeah. So just, you know, I don’t know if that exactly answered your question, but it just made me think about that right away is just sometimes as parents, as teachers we’d need to understand that we need to take care of it’s almost like that triage of needs, like what needs to be taken care of first so we can get to where we, you know, may want to go.

Wendy:
Yeah. And in that example of that little boy, I mean, it’s obviously the emotional, the emotional piece, right?

Cori:
That’s it, that’s what I’m hearing. When, when you’re, when you’re talking about here, I’m hearing that piece needs to be met before anything else can

Wendy:
Happen. So it’s not so much about the skillset of, I know it’s so hard for parents because they’re like, I just want him to keep his hands to himself to set a smack his brother, you know, but there’s still like the emotional literacy and figuring out like, what’s going on, what’s happening inside? How can we understand that and learn how to all the, all the things, right? Like

Cori:
Those tools of communication. Because I often find with kids that are in that situation, it’s almost like you can liken it to a toddler that doesn’t have language yet. And they get so frustrated. They have a tantrum because they can’t communicate what, what it is they need to say. So even with older kids, it’s not just assuming that they have the tools to communicate just because they’re in a bigger body. And so it’s really giving tools. And that’s where like, again, I’m going to refer to Sarah, comes in with, you know, all the social, emotional coaching she does at our school. She puts tools in the kid’s tool belts so that they have those communication skills. And they even have the skills to not only ask for support too. But to say that, you know what, I need to actually take a break.

Cori:
I need to reset. I need to go and breathe in, in a quiet corner and get myself back to where I can be emotionally ready and prepared to like engage in my day. Yeah. So I think it’s teaching those skills and not just assuming kids have them because they’re bigger kids. Yeah.

Wendy:
Yes. And remembering that it just takes some of us longer to learn certain things. And I think especially those kids that are super kinesthetic, like the touchy, they’re just like, like I’m super kinesthetic. I would still do slam the door every once in a while. And I don’t think everyone’s a doorslammer. So like some, for some of us, it just takes a little bit longer to learn how to keep our hands to ourselves. If we’re really angry and we’re eight years old and some others, that’s just not going to be their journey, but like normalizing it for those children that this is just your journey. And this is the big thing that I see in that family. And, and you’re going to get there.

Cori:
Yeah, we’ll get there. They will get there because they’re mindful of this journey and they’re working with you, they’re seeking out support. So there is no question they will get there, whatever there is. But every day we’ll get a little bit better

Wendy:
As long as you believe it. Right. Which is the growth mindset piece. Because if you don’t, if you focus on the other side of it, which is like that envisioning piece, it sounds so woo. But it really is like, you have to believe that your child is going to not just be fine, but it’s going to thrive and, and continue to make improvements. Cause as soon as you shut down and don’t believe that your child will probably adopt that same belief system, that’s absent. And then the, I can’t do it. I’m stupid. And that’s what happens for them too. Right. Is when the fixed roles in, especially if it’s around behavior, then it’s like the shame rolls in of like, what the heck is wrong with me?

Wendy:
Why can’t I get this? Right. And then, you know, a lot of us grew up with that statement of like, what is, you know, what’s wrong with you or shame on you. And then, you know, many anyways, that’s a whole unraveling. So yeah.

Cori:
I, it’s funny when you say that because I think of, I know there was a book that just came out and, and part of it was, you know, it’s not, what’s wrong with you. It’s maybe what happened to you? You know, what happened in your life or what happened to you that sort of makes you act that way. So it’s just shipped everything that we’ve talked about. No matter what we’ve said comes to just shifting your, your belief system to that growth mindset, it really does. Right? I mean, all these different things kind of come back to that.

Wendy:
That is such a good kind of final verbage re reframe, because I grew up with that statement of what’s what is wrong with you or, or shame on you really young and you have a little bit, but I still am breaking that habit. I still have breaking that up.

Cori:
It’s goat. It’s a good too. What’s wrong with you? As a go-to

Wendy:
Came out was still the last week and we, like, I had to make major amends and then it actually turned into the most amazing connecting night as it

Cori:
Does.

Wendy:
My gosh, it was so amazing. But, but I love that reframe of like, Hey, what happened to you? Because if I would have been able to catch myself or the key is you learn afterwards, right? That’s the growth mindset is you learn from

Cori:
Them, you got it, the

Wendy:
Reflection. But now I love that. I have something else to say is like, what happened to you today to make you do that? Or what happened to you that caused you to just write what she did that night that I flipped out about?

Cori:
And it goes back to sorry to throw another one at you, but you know, when you know better, you do better. And that’s just part of that reflection piece that we’re all, we are all these imperfect creatures. And we’re just always, you know, if you can just reflect and just, you know, shift your mindset and really just make an effort to see the yet, or see the possibility in anything you do. I mean, it’s, sky’s the limit,

Wendy:
Cory, for our time

Cori:
Together, this was so fun.

Wendy:
And hopefully,

Cori:
Yes,

Wendy:
Hopefully everyone around the perk Delaine community will be able to listen to this. Cause I know they love you as much as I love you and us. We love you. And let’s, let’s end it with tell us you were telling me as we got in the note that you got from Taryn.

Cori:
Oh my gosh. Okay. So it’s so great. So yeah, our track teacher, our social emotional teacher at school has the kids when they come through her classroom. Right. Thank you. Notes to teachers, school staff. I mean, anyone on campus that they want to just give a shout out to, and it’s such a bucket filler for us as teachers. It’s just amazing. And so I got one from Terrin. I think I got it yesterday. And it was just so amazing. He was, he, you know, I can’t remember exactly what he said, but he, it was just, I’m so thankful to you for teaching me growth mindset. And it’s something that I use in my life and it’s so powerful. And it just, he was so just genuine and just his words just touched me so deeply, but what was so amazing is the picture he drew on the top.

Cori:
It was this picture. It was just so grounded. It said growth mindset queen.

Wendy:
We’re going to now make tee shirts

Cori:
Seriously. Like it made my year. So I mean, just, it was, it’s so funny that this happened today and he had just given me that.

Wendy:
So I’m going to change the title of this episode to how to be a growth mindset queen.

Cori:
That’s perfect. That’s

Wendy:
What I’m going to make you a t-shirt in the new year. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you, Cori. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day. And remember families be an advocate in your community, in your school for this type of work and just, you know, don’t hold back from having conversations with your school staff or your principal and letting them know that this is really important work. And you know, maybe there’s something you could do to support or fundraise in your own community to bring more of this work in, or there’s always volunteer work. It is very simple.

Wendy:
I think to learn some of these concepts and then bring it into a classroom teachers. Yeah. Teachers are always looking for an hour break, right? To grade some papers or possibly have some, some help. I remember back in kindergarten and first grade we used to garden. They used to come in and garden and we would just do a little bit of work while we were out there about I am statements or something. And so there’s ways to bring this into your school system. Even if you’re not a teacher or you guys don’t have the funds in your, your local community, be, you know, look for ways that you can volunteer. So, all right, listeners, it’s been so fun, Cori. Thanks again for being here.

Cori:
You’re welcome. Thank you.

Wendy:
All right, families, that’s a wrap. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode as much as I loved recording it for you now, before you go, I want to invite you to join me for a special Q and a I’m hosting over a new on a new app. I found called wisdom. This live Q and a is on January 13th at noon Pacific, but don’t worry if you’re listening to this after that date, you can listen to the replay easily. I’ll be sharing all about the freedom to be weekend course, which radically transformed my life for the better 10 years ago, both as a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter of God, all the things, but I am now teaching this course here in beautiful sunny San Diego.

Wendy:
The weekend of February 24th, tickets are selling fast. So if you’re interested now is the time to learn more and grab your ticket. So during this live Q and a, that I’m hosting over on that the wisdom app, but again, will be recorded so you can easily listen later, you can ask questions and even grab the mic and engage with me. As I share about the incredible life coaching and healing strategies I’ll teach during this experiential weekend course, my account on wisdom is under, at Fresh Start Wendy. So go find me and join this live talk, or just listen in after for the replay. And of course you can always learn more about the freedom to be weekend course by heading to FreshStartFamilyonline.com/freedomcourse.

Wendy:
All right. See you there

Stella:
For more information, go to FreshStartFamilyonline.com. Thanks for listening, families. Have a great day.

Wendy:
Thanks for listening families. And don’t forget to go save your seat now for the free, Fresh Start parenting challenge. That starts really soon. You can go to Fresh Start Family, online.com forward slash free challenge to sign up. And after you do that, I’ll send you a prep kit and you’ll be all set to get started with this free five day mini course, that is really going to set you up to feel empowered and confident in the new year as a parent. So head over now to FreshStartFamilyonline.com/freechallenge. And I will see you at the Fresh Start parenting challenge very soon.

If you have a question, comment or a suggestion about today’s episode, or the podcast in general, send me an email at [email protected] or connect with me over on Facebook @freshstartfamily & Instagram @freshstartwendy.

 

Learn more about how Positive Parenting Curriculum can transform your life through the Fresh Start Family Expereince.

Want to see what Positive Parenting looks like #IRL? I love to stay active on both Instagram & Facebook, giving you guys a glimpse into my real family life!